The Self Actualising Woman

So back in the day men mated widely to ensure their genes would be passed on, says Darwin, I say they did it coz they could. Woman mated wisely because they had a lot more invested in the act, they carried the child sometimes at great risk to their health and then cared for the child. As far as possible they selected their male partners in accordance with the prudence required for this venture. Strong genes, good provider, willingness to invest in the endeavour etc.

Much of the male psychology have been programmed to cater for this prudent calling so we pride ourselves on being able to achieve these very things. We apply ourselves vigorously to the task and judge ourselves terribly when we cannot achieve this and this self condemnation has its own list of counter productive consequences.

Why oh why we then ask with tears of despair are our woman not satisfied when we work so hard to keep the bacon coming and the bills paid?

It is no longer the realm of men alone to achieve goals, test our strength and keep pushing the limits of ourselves and mankind. Woman have for generations been self actualising and the survival of the species is no longer at the forefront of their list of priorities. I say bravo, is there not enough people consuming earth and enriching the few.

The Modern Woman no longer need men to provide and protect even though much of the time genetically they still have this expectation but that will fade in time because having this ultimately leaves them wanting more.

If you are a self actualised male you will know that having a female partner that simply says yes and amen to everything and has your meal ready and your shirts ironed would drive you mad! (I know I know a part of you begs for it but deep inside you know)You want a partner that walks along side you as an equal because the results are exponential as we see in business and every other field of life. (Teams of different people achieve exponential success)
Well the modern woman wants the same. Forget the word "woman". The currently evolving Human wants this.

This evolution is both beautiful and devastating to our age old genotypic paradigms. She wants what you want(I hope), inspiration, goals smashed, limits pushed, ground taken. This profile does not belong to the Men of Old, it belongs to the Human and woman are just finally getting there. Its a monstrous mountain and we wont all make it but if we start thinking about it we set the base for our kids and their kids to get it.

Alas this is merely what  I see us evolving, growing into. Whoever you oppress, woman, indigenous peoples,  is going to bite you in the balls one day. If you get it early it might just be a nibble and until you do get it we will only be half of what we can be..

The challenge for the ladies on this journey is that they also still entertain the innate expectation from a man to be the strong provider that regularly tares her clothes off with fierce desire. When however men are in this place where they are doing all the things they think they supposed to but the self actualising woman wants a new range of things that the media has not yet started feeding into his mind he is lost and if he doesn't resort to focusing on goals again he swirls in depression.

We are slowly wading through our evolving paradigms about being a man or being a woman and its fucking hard. It is actually about being human, if we start there it simplifies things a bit....just a small bit..like...tiny...

This is a whole realm still to be discussed, researched and philosophised about...

The Percolator Feeling

You know what I’m talking about don’t you. You are just on call, like a damn percolator, difference is you got to refill yourself. So all mommy cares about and pours herself into day in and day out is the new little nugget sprung for your loins. All baba cares about is mommy and she will settle for nothing else so daddy is standing at the back end of the attention deficit disorder paycheck in hand and kind of, if we honest, excited to get back to the office where he is appreciated a bit more. Honest enough? You not alone.

Of course I’m not talking to guys who grew up in functional families with a perfect value system and loads of emotional security and affection. The one out of a million like that embrace the nature of life and insecurity to them is a foreign concept. Truth is the rest of us are broken in some way because our parents and their parents were broken and everyone was just doing the best they could with what they had so no blame, its life. More truth however is we don’t have to live as products of our lineage, we can carve out a new blue sky for us and our family units.

Why am I saying this, as men we find our worth in providing, achieving and carving the way forward for our family and with most us being insecure on some level we feel wretched when we don’t get the recognition we think we deserve. We need to though find what all men have sought for generations the strength to not need that affirmation as much as it’s due. Yes, obviously she has a responsibility to be aware of this! But we have to find our joy in giving and knowing that we are with every breath building a future grown up and therein find our hope.

So what happens during all this is that if we don’t realise that this is the way it is, perfectly natural we end up resenting our kids and wives. In this lies a great danger to our future as it sets in motion a lifetime of putting your true emotion in a dark place where it festers and affects the rest of your life. Slowly and surely the distance between us and them grows bigger and wider and with every new phase of parenting the dark room of rejection gets more cluttered.

Embrace the nature of it and look at rather at the miracle it is. I forget how much I have all the damn time.

Later.

In the beginning...

Gents, sirs princes and kings!

a million and one magazines are talking to the birds, chicks, the femacular estrogenic specie about their emotional journey when they evolve into new mothers. As a new daddy i didnt spot anything really talking about what i am going through. Hence the blog i want to talk about the evolution of a new dad. The gut wrenching realities like yes, where did the sex go, whats with the attention deficit disorder, what do you want me to be, a man or a nanny bla bla etc.

DaddyDT? I am forever getting uphill about my monotone, my lack of sharing my emotions, feelings, the fuzzies and to me irrelavent pieces of information we dont even gather in the day. We are different this we know so this is not about how we must cater for our ladies but simply about how we assimilate the new challenge.

I have a corporate job in the day and at night i become dad and on the weekend i am a musician, all these caps i wear as i am sure you do. We'll talk..

stay tuned...

Eev (Ewald Arnardo Ferreira)